i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
