i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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