You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
