With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
