That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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