I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
