dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
