I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
