Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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