hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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