I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize