I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize