i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
