i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
