Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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