Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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