How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
