Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
