thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
