What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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