I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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