I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
