That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
