Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
