Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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