just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
