i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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