if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
