He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
