rhymes with "ouble enetration"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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