Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
