I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
