Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
