i jhust puked up my retainher.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
