he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
