so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
