dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
