I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
