shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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