mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The air taste purple.
Randomize
