i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
