I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
