The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
