you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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