Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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