In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
