Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
