I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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