Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
