yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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