wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
