I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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