I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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