i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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