you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
