I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize