just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
