In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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