You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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