I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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