she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
