After last night, I could never be a politician.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
