another moral hangover. fuck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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