I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
