So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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