why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize