and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
