Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize