you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
