Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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