I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
