Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
