This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
