I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
