I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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