one two three fourrrrnication!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
