i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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