omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
