i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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