i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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