I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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