the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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