So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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