Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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