I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize