Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
