So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
