I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize