end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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