I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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