It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
