Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
