JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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