they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
