She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
