I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
