I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
tell me about the eggs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
