bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
