Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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