i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
