Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
