Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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