i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry about my life...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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