dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
