Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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